George Lucas

Jump to: navigation, search
Photo of George Lucas. Notice the beard attempts to establish that the area below it is in fact his "neck," but in reality the entire region is part of his chin. Experts say without the beard Lucas resembles more alien than man, twisted and evil.

George Lucas, or as Harley P. Mathewson refers to him, Lord Nonecky Mcnoneckerson, Earl of Noneckingham, is a notable non-joiner and putative "creator" of the Star Wars films, an idea he stole from Mathewson's Big Fight Amongst the Sparklies. After the plagiarism, Lucas was declared a non-joiner by Mathewson via a skywriting airplane (Mathewson is known to laugh for two days straight at the hilarity of using a skywriting plane to say "Lucas, you are now a non-joiner. Walk on this, douche."

Recent Reactions

Lucas' string of terrible movies, including the latest Indiana Jones incarnation, which scored low enough on the Michael Bay Scale of Absurdity to be "boring" but not high enough to be "watchable," have enraged Mathewson even more. At the screening of the "The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" in France, odd reports came in from Cannes Film Festival. One onlooker said that during the Shia Lebouf "Tarzan" scene, cursing in an unknown language emanated from the back of the theater. "Then," the main is quoted in Le Monde, "it seemed like someone had a giant one of those bubble things, you know, like the kid's have? And whoever had it was throwing it at the screen repeatedly. Then eventually it stopped." Mathewson has since declared Indiana Jones a non-joiner, despite his fictional status.


It is unknown why Mathewson has let Lucas live so long. Many in the JUOD community have expected Lucas to die in mysterious circumstances for years. Some scholars argue that Mathewson is simply allowing Lucas to live longer so he can destroy himself with the awful movies he keeps making. With more Star Wars films and television shows in the works, most scholars have begun to postulate that Lucas may spontaneously explode because of the sheer amount of crappy ideas stored in his head.

Another theory speculates that since Lucas possesses no neck, it is impossible for Mathewson to kill him in the his favorite way: sucking him dry of blood. Thus they argue that Mathewson has vacillated on what other, cruel form of death to bestow upon Lucas, but has not made up his mind.